Real World: Cancun’s Ayiiia Talks About Her Struggle With Cutting

(Article originally on Reality Roll Call, 7/29/2009)

Tonight’s episode of  The Real World: Cancun tackled the very serious subject of self-injury, when castmate Ayiiia is caught cutting herself after a nasty blow-up with some of the guys in the house. Ayiiia, who also has a past history of drug abuse, began cutting when she was thirteen years old, but had been clean for over a year before going to Cancun.

I had the chance to speak with Ayiiia the day before the show aired. She spoke openly about her struggle self-mutilation:

Faith W: So, I hear there’s a pretty serious episode of The Real World: Cancun tomorrow…

Ayiiia: A pretty deep episode.

FW: If I were to ask to give a synopsis of tomorrow’s episode, what would you tell me?

Ayiiia: I would say that in the next episode of the Real World, you are actually going to  see a problem that I have dealt with since I was thirteen, and it’s a very personal and a deep issue. You guys are going to see why it (cutting) happens,and how long I’ve been doing it. I just kind of go into what it is all about.

FW: Are we are actually going to see you harm yourself on the show?

Ayiiia: Yes.

FW: And there was a conflict that brought it about?

Ayiia: An argument goes on in the house, and things just kind of blow up. And I’m not in a healthy state of mind, and I just lose it for a second because I don’t know how else to deal with certain situations. In the moment I had so much going on that I felt that it was my only outlet, because I didn’t have actual friends to really lean on.

FW: So, it was like a release for you…

Ayiiia: Yes, it was a release because I was going through so much.

FW: In watching the episodes to date, a lot of people have to wonder if you were happy in Cancun. What was that experience  like for you?

Ayiiia: I was very, very happy in Cancun. I had a great time, I met wonderful people, including my roommates, and locals. It was a great experience. I was kept in a safety net in San Diego (home), and I wasn’t used to anything else. And dealing with people who aren’t neccessarily okay with your personality was just very stressful. And liquor, of course, doesn’t do well in the mix.

FW: How did  they come  to realize you were cutting?

Ayiiia: At first they have no idea. Tomorrow’s episode that I do it, and I get caught by one of the roommates, and that’s when the whole controversy begins. Some of my roommates are there for me and like, “she’s going through stuff, and are like. “we’ve gotta be there for her.” And there are other roommates who say, “She just wants attention.” And they’re not very sensitive about the situation.

FW: But, clearly for you it works out in the end.

Ayiiia: Yes.

FW: Let’s talk about the follow up.

Ayiiia: I have been getting help, and I’ve been just dealing with my emotions in a healthy way. I started to go to the gym; I draw, I write; you know, everything to just keep me away from that (cutting). Before the show, I hadn’t done that for a year and a half. I was very clean.  So, when I was brought into the stress on the show it was very hard to deal with. But, I am okay; it’s just situations that I am put it that make it really, really, hard.

FW: If you were to give advice to someone who was in an emotionally stressful situation, and they were considering handling it by hurting themselves, what would you tell them?

Ayiiia:  I would definitely say to seek treatment, if you are willing to do that. I know that it’s very difficult because you do have to get very personal and open with the therapist. You need to find a therapsist that you feel comfortable with for them to help you. Other than that, you can just find different outlets.

It’s very healthy to go to the gym. When you’re stressed out just go take a jog.

You’re not the only one who’s going through this. There are thousands of people who are going through it, and they just don’t speak on it. You can’t go on like that for the rest of your life, because that’s not how it goes.

FW: Any parting words?

Ayiiia: I want to say that I’m not as terrible as I look on the  show. It’s TV, it’s for the ratings. There has to be a villian on the show, but that’s not all of me. If you go on the dailies on realworlddailies.com you actually get to see my personality, because I am the jokester. You’ll definely get to see my personality on the dailies more.

For more information on self-injury, including support, and resources click here.